talta | This is - not a cmo?! Help me voicetest Personas!

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This is - not a cmo?! Help me voicetest Personas!

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[Akira is-

-̶̢̆c̵̢̍o̷͐̚ͅn̶̟̆͝f̷̼̣̅̒ű̴͙̳̑s̸̰͘͘ẹ̵͊d̷̥̑̆?̷̧̌͝

-happy, he's happier than he's ever been, living here in Tokyo surrounded with his friends and an adult that actually loves him like family. He can't really remember the falling out that he had with his parents - it hurts when he tries to think about it, the memory so painful that his mind won't even let him remember it, so he doesn't. How could he, when

S̴̖̅̓a̶͚͌̂k̶͉͝û̷̞r̶̳̙̈́a̶̮̚-̵̜͌s̷͚̄̀à̷̦̕n̷̥̚,̷̰̆ ̶͕͋͂I̶̫͎̐͝ ̴̡̅w̵̼̬͠ä̵͉̘́n̸̖̽t̵̻̙͊͝ ̵̯̀t̷̙̉̕o̴͔͘ ̵̰̑ŝ̶̟̯t̴̪̯̾͌ḁ̶͝y̷͎̎̽ ̷͙̋ẃ̸͍̯̚į̸̝̂ẗ̴͔́ͅh̴̫̓̍ ̸͔̃ÿ̷͖́ǒ̷̺̌u̸͖̐ ̵̧̦͑f̶̭̼̅̋ȏ̶͍͔̍r̵͇̍e̶̻͔͛̏v̷̨̲͒͝ę̶̗̃r̸̠̻̃͌,̶̝̳͛̉

Sojiro-san has welcomed him with such open arms? Akira will always, always be grateful to him. It doesn't matter what happened before, because his home is in Tokyo now with everyone that he loves.

Everyone he loves... More than anyone, that includes his boyfriend, Goro.

Clever and witty, a pleasant laugh and pleasant smile. The person always able to keep up with him, and who Akira can be his truest self with. Goro is

w̶̼͋͝è̷̩̳'̸͉͋͂r̴̢͛ȇ̵̛̮ ̸̨͉̀̚r̶͚̪̔i̸̩̋ͅv̷̘̎̔ͅǎ̷͉͖l̵̪̮͊̈s̸̝͑͝,̴̫̔ ̷͎̭̿̍ÿ̶̥́̾ͅò̵̢̳̇u̴̲͐ ̴͕͆a̴̭͑̚n̸͖̏d̷͔̟̓͑ ̴͓̈̕Į̵̓̾

his perfect match, in every possible way. Akira adores him. Akira likes him so much. It's more than just like, even, a giddy feeling that wells up in his chest when he lets himself daydream about the future. It really does feel like...

s̵̞̓̅ọ̵̲̍ḿ̸̧e̶̩̍͝t̶̘̹͐͂ḣ̴̡̑i̷͇̙͛n̸̘̠̈́͛ğ̴͇̜̉'̷͇̠̀̕ş̸̑͌ ̶̟̱̀m̶̙̹͆͠i̸̤̚s̵̼̠͂s̶̻̀i̴͎̾n̶͇͍̑̂g̸͈͂,̶̭͘ ̵̰͖̌d̷̻̈́̔ó̸̭e̷̝͑͑s̸̖̝̔n̸͓̗̈́'̶̧͇̈t̴̝̋ ̷̲̯͘ī̶̤͇t̸͍̑?̶̡͖̂̕

...his life is wonderful in every way imaginable...

- Ị̷̈́'̶̭̰̈́͗l̶̺̜̊l̵̩͐ ̶̱̐h̵͇̟̀̈́ơ̸̙l̴̜͙̏̑d̸̻̈́̋͜ ̵̡͐͝o̵̢̒n̴̰̋̚t̷͔̿̔o̸͔͋̽ ̵̠́̄ẙ̵̫͓o̷͉̪͂ú̴̺r̵̝͍̿ ̴̯͉̑g̸̼͓͒̕l̷̨̓́o̴̩̥̔̎v̶͈͗̈́e̵͋̽͜.̷̰̌͋ ̵͔̈́͂ -

Akira doesn't have bad dreams often these days. So, needless to say, it's a shock to wake up with a strangled gasp, eyes stinging with tears that won't fall.

He can't remember what it was about, only the tang of a metallic smell, but it doesn't prevent him from reaching for his phone. Akira's fingers are dialing the number before he's even aware of it, and the moment he hears the sound of it being answered-]

Akechi?

[And Akira freezes.

He still feels cold with sweat, though he knows that's from the dream. He hasn't called Goro by his family name since they first met. He'd never, ever do it now. What on earth is he thinking?]

I... Sorry. Goro, are you there?

[Akira's voice sounds so strange around his family name. Goro can see the way his lips move in his mind's eye, can see the soft 'ah' of his mouth around the first syllable, see his teeth with the last - as if he's seen it all the time before, an echo of a different kind of polite relationship, one they hadn't shared for months. He'd told Akira a long time ago to not address him so formally, to not be so dazzled by his television persona, and teased him about it until it stuck. Goro prefers the way his given name sounds on Akira's tongue anyway - so few people call him that that it makes it special somehow, and he privately likes the way that Akira has a tendency to drag out the last syllable when he's feeling particularly affectionate, to sing-song him from across the bar at Leblanc.

He stares up at the ceiling of his room, listening to the dull thud of his heart rattle around in his chest and the silence at the other end of the line after Akira rectifies his slip of the tongue. The phone had woken him from an odd dream, one that he barely remembers, but one that he knows he's had before. It starts with Akira sitting alone in an interrogation room...]

- I'm here.

[His voice is sleepy and muzzled, but awake enough for his - his boyfriend. Goro blinks away the remnants of the dream and tries to let himself sink into the present, where he's talking to the person he adores more than anything. His eyes slip shut and he remembers Akira smiling at him, Akira bringing him lunch at the studio, Akira bleeding out on the floor.

Akechi, he'd said.

He never says that.]

Are you okay? It's the middle of the night.

I- [It's almost reflexive, the I'm okay, that rests on his tongue, the instinctual urge to reassure and not cause worry. But Akira doesn't lie to Goro, something that feels both correct and wrong in the strange twilight the dream has casted over his heart. He says the truth, instead.] I had a nightmare. Something... bad happened to you in it, but I can't remember what.

[It feels fragile, almost childish to utter the words in the still of the night. He's always affectionate with Goro, leaning into him when he can sneak it in public and lacing their fingers together when they're alone, but he's never clingy like this. He's never let neediness bleed into his sentimentality; it's something neither of them would probably like. So why now, just because of a bad dream...?

Maybe it's just from not having them often. But that doesn't quite feel right, either.]

I'm sorry for waking you up for something like this... [He runs a hand through his hair, knowing he doesn't have to be careful of worrying Goro with his body language. This is the most drastic things have gotten, but he has noticed he's felt a little off lately. Something like intrusive thoughts, except sometimes he'd call of it more of a feeling than a proper thought.... Akira's ignored it almost entirely, brushing it off as just the stress of the approaching finals in a few weeks. Now, though...] I don't know what's gotten into me.

[He listens to Akira, stares at the smooth, uncomplicated white paint of his ceiling. In a moment, he's screaming, bleeding, coming at Akira with every inch of his power like he genuinely wants to kill him, and then reality slips into focus again and he's in his bed, his eyes open, looking at nothing, listening to Akira on the other end of the line.]

You don't have to apologize.

[Goro says it gently, because he doesn't really mind being woken up. It's not normal for them, true, but it's... something about it feels right, like Akira is feeding into this sensation that he's been thinking about for awhile, but hadn't been able to really isolate or give it a name. It's just a bad dream, he wants to say, but how does that explain how sometimes when he's tired, he sees the world like he's looking through shattered glass? Goro feels, all at once, like he's standing with one foot in the ocean and he doesn't understand why or how.

He wonders if Akira feels the same way. He wonders if this misery is somehow mutual. Part of him doesn't want it to be - why would he want to bring trouble to his friend like that? But part of him also, needs, desperately, to not be alone in this. He feels like he'll go insane if he is.

He doesn't know if he should say it. He tries to anyway, a hand lifting out in the darkness, curling his fingers around nothing.]

I wonder... [it's soft, and he closes his eyes, trying to find the remnants of his own dreams, to pluck out the fragments that seem the blurriest of all and try to draw them into focus. Something fights him every step of the way, but just for a moment he can recall a glimpse.]

I've been... dreaming about a door. [He finally admits, his fingers falling back to the bed.] It's dark.

[It feels almost like a weakness to finally bring this to light but he feels like he has to. If it's nothing, if they're just being stupid, they can laugh about it and forget it tomorrow, but here in the middle of the night, Goro feels as honest as he's ever been.]

You're on the other side.

[His mouth moves without conscious thought.]

And I tell you that I'll hold onto your glove.

[For a moment, just a moment, he feels like he's back in the dream, nose invaded by sea salt and metal and the tang of copper in particular. His heart thuds with a pain like grieving - but what is there to grieve, in this life where he has everything he wants? - until the moment it snaps and he's back on his bed again, sharply inhaling in reality.]

That's... [He doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know how to explain this. There's absolutely no reason he should've said that, even through the strange familiarity twisting up his throat.] I don't know why I said that.

[Akira's voice comes out quiet, quieter even than what's normal for him.]

It's silly, isn't it? Filling in what happened in your dreams, like we're sharing them in some manga. [He tries for a laugh; this one sticks, even if it's weak and unconvincing.] It's not like...

[It's not like I was there. It's not like I can smell your blood. It's not like I can still feel the panic in my ribcage.

None of those, however, can find their way out of his throat.]

[There's a pause. He can hear Akira's voice in his ear, an echo of something he's said before, and it ripples through him like a drop in a pond, plucking at the hazy memories. He was bleeding. He was staring at his own face, as if in a distorted mirror. He was listening to Akira tell him - ]

It's not like what? Like it was real?

[Goro swallows hard, shifting in his bed to sit up. Akira's voice echoes in his mind. Losing so much blood made him feel cold, shivering as if submerged in an ice bath. There were monsters all around him. The door was dark - no, metallic - no, it wasn't a door at all, it was something else, some kind of shutter...

He squeezes his eyes shut, unsure if he's trying to push the memories back or draw them in closer. Something tells him that he shouldn't try to remember this. Something tells him that he's being foolish, it's just a dream, like what Akira is saying.

But part of him - a small, struggling part of him - feels like this is more important than anything he's ever done in this life.

'I'll hold onto your glove.']

You... [He pauses. His voice is soft, breathy.] ...I sometimes feel like when I close my eyes, I'll open them again and be somewhere else. Somewhere without you. Or worse - I'll be nowhere at all.

[Goro reaches his spare hand up, fists his fingers in his hair. Akira doesn't seem to want to be the one to verbalize his doubt first - doesn't want to be the one to say 'but what if this is, somehow, real?', and so Goro does it for him because he's not sure if he can live with not knowing anymore, not when it's becoming apparent that he's not the only one with those thoughts.

He takes a deep breath.]

Close your eyes. Think about being there again.

[He does the same. His mouth opens almost subconsciously as it plays out again, clearer now that he's forcing those few moments to repeat themselves over and over again. When he speaks, he echoes his own words]

'After all this, that's what you have to say?'

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This is - not a cmo?! Help me voicetest Personas!

[for injust] persona 5 royal spoilers, bad end

<3 slow but here!

no worries at all, I'm sorry I ended up slow on my end too! ;;

all good!

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back from vacation, sorry for the wait on my end :)